Every couple has disagreements, but what happens when recurring conflicts start to pull your relationship apart? Do you lie awake hoping that your spouse will eventually see things your way, or rehashing the evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? This popular, science-based guide offers powerful solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. True acceptance may seem difficult to accomplish, but the clear-cut steps and thought-provoking exercises in this book can make it a reality. You'll learn why you keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; what communication strategies really work to resolve conflicts; and how to problem-solve and make positive changes--together. Updated throughout with new research, practical tools, and examples, the second edition features a new chapter on mindfulness. Mental health professionals: learn about using this self-help guide as an adjunct to therapy at the authors' website (http://ibct.psych.ucla.edu).
I. The Conflicting Sides of Conflict 1. Three Sides to Every Story 2. ""You're Wrong!"": Relationship Problems as Faults II. A DEEP Understanding of Conflict: The Third Side of the Story 3. ""How Can You Be That Way?"": Relationship Problems as Differences 4. ""You Know How to Hurt Me"": Relationship Problems as Emotional Sensitivities 5. ""Can't You See I'm Stressed Out?"": Relationship Problems as External Circumstances 6. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Patterns of Communication III. From Argument to Acceptance 7. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change 8. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding 9. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion 10. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance IV. Deliberate Change through Acceptance 11. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change 12. Deliberate Change through Mindfulness: Custom-Fitting Change to Suit Your Relationship 13. Deliberate Change through Communication: Taking Good Advice about Talking and Listening with a Mindful Grain of Salt 14. The Silver Bullet of Deliberate Change: Taking Charge of Change Even When Things Go Bad V. When Acceptance Is Not Enough 15. ""Don't Do That to Me!"": Violence, Verbal Abuse, and Infidelity 16. Calling In the Professionals: Couple and Individual Therapy Resources Bibliography
