Carrying Them with Us: Living through Pregnancy and Infant Loss is a reflection on what pastors David Engelstad and Catherine Malotky have learned since the day in 1984 when their eight-week-old daughter Erin died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.Drawing on their own loss, they offer themselves as companions to parents who struggle to deal with the end of an eagerly anticipated pregnancy or the death of a joyfully welcomed baby. Readers will find in Carrying Them with Us comfort and wisdom, a spiritual perspective, and practical guidance.The authors also invite into this journey the caregivers--family, clergy and medical professionals, and friends--who accompany grieving parents.The book is organized around five questions the authors have found central to many parents' unfolding story: (1) How can this have happened? (2) Why do I feel like this? (3) How do I keep going? (4) What do I make of life after this? And (5) Who am I becoming?Engelstad and Malotky show readers a path from devastating sadness toward healing, a way for grieving parents to keep going and, one day, to embrace new life.
David Engelstad, an ELCA pastor, has dedicated twenty-four years of his ministry to long-term care and hospital chaplaincy. He has started and led support groups for pregnancy and newborn loss, Alzheimer's caregivers, multiple sclerosis patients, and grief/loss survivors. Catherine Malotky, an ELCA pastor, has served the church for over thirty years as a teacher, parish pastor, writer, editor, and coach. She is a frequent retreat leader, teacher, and preacher around the upper Midwest and for two decades has authored the Amen column in the ELCA's Gather magazine.
Preface Chapter 1 How can this have happened? Chapter 2 Why do I feel like this? Chapter 3 How do I keep going Chapter 4 What do I make of life after this? Chapter 5 Who am I becoming?
"Of all the books I have read in three decades as a grief therapist, this book by Catherine Malotky and David Engelstad stands out as one of the most compassionate, nonjudgmental, and heartfelt of all. The authors, bereaved from the death of their two-month-old daughter Erin, draw upon their own pain, doubts, and vulnerabilities to offer readers a resource that speaks both to the heart and to the head. The gentle suggestions they make for how to cope and how to help others are varied and practical. The authors will move you from the early pain of a loss to a consideration of how you might grow through the experience. This book is not limited to pregnancy and infant loss. I found the wise words of these seasoned pastors comforting in the loss of my spouse and my adult daughter. I would highly recommend this book to you." --Janice Winchester Nadeau, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist and Nurse "Carrying Them with Us is a gentle, compassionate message of love, faith, and hope. The authors, who understand because they've been there, offer loving, intentional wisdom to bereaved families and essential tips for caregivers following the loss of a baby. I especially love the reflection and discussion sections, the Bible references, and stories, along with resources for each chapter, all of which make this book uniquely helpful and special." --Sherokee Ilse, author of Empty Arms: Coping iwth Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death and co-founder of Loss Doulas International
