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Sulky, Rowdy, Rude?: Why kids really act out and what to do about it

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Children can be difficult (and worse) - this is a natural part of growing up. Conflicts and arguments are nothing exceptional, but rather a part of everyday family life. For parents, though, it can be especially difficult to deal with conflict with their own children, and often patterns of behaviour that get stuck can make things worse. The book shows how, as parents, we can create structures, methods and situations that work, so that the children can do what they need to do, while at the same time they feel security, belonging and autonomy, and practise self-control and cooperation. The authors start from the assumption that all children want to succeed, so through the practical explanations and examples provided in the book, parents will learn to identify the misunderstandings that can lead to negative behaviour, and how to focus on strategies that help to make everyday life simple and manageable for their children.
 
Based on years of experience working with children, especially those with a diagnosis, the authors structure their methods around the low arousal approach. They introduce the basic principles of self-management and conflict-resolution, and employ real-life examples to situate the theory in practice. With a thorough background in child psychology, this guide is essential reading for parents, guardians, and also for professionals working with parents.
Part One.
Introduction.
1. Who has the problem?
2. Children behave well if they can.
3. People do what makes most sense in each situation.
4. The one that takes responsibility can make a difference.
5. Children learn nothing from failure.
6. You need self-control to cooperate.
7. We all do what we can to maintain self-control.
8. Feelings are contagious.
9. Conflicts consist of solutions.
10. We make demands of children that they don't make of themselves - but in a way that works.
11. It is not fair to treat everyone the same.
12. You become the leader when someone follows you.
 
Part Two. We live in a garage.
Cases:Liam and the morning row.
Ava and the sibling row.
Alvin wants to be alone.
Hannah and tooth-brushing.
The Principle of the gentle approach.
Summary.
Sulky, Rowdy, Rude? Yet again Bo Hejlskov Elven and his colleague Tina Wiman have produced a wonderfully reflective book for families to help them focus on the behaviour of their child. In my view this book can also be read by frontline carers and other professionals working with children. There are a series of easy to read chapters which focus on how to understand the behaviour of young children and the low arousal approach permeates the entire book. In a user friendly way there are many themes that focus on how we perceive behaviours. Chapters include: 'Children behave well if they can' and my personal favourite 'conflicts consist of solutions'. The authors tailor the book well to their main audience. I would recommend this book widely.
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