Introduction xi1. Addressing Diffi cult Topics 11. Troublesome Topics That Need to Be Discussed 21.1 Mental incapacity 21.2 Money and insurance 41.3 Wills and dying 52. Are You the Right Person to Bring up the Troublesome Topics? 62. Why Don't People Plan, and What Can You Do about That? 91. Not Knowing Where to Start 102. Not Knowing What It Will Cost 113. Believing That Estate Planning Is Only for Rich People 124. Thinking They Do Not Need to Plan, Based on Anecdotes 135. Being Too Busy 156. Not Wanting to Give up Control 167. Not Knowing How to Hold a Family Meeting 188. There Is No Consensus on What to Do 189. Privacy Concerns 1910. Superstition 203. What Are the Consequences of Not Planning? 211. Lawsuits 222. Damaged Family Relationships 233. Delays in the Administration of an Estate 234. Financial Loss, Fraud, or Financial Mismanagement 255. Family Business May Be Damaged or Destroyed 276. Paying Too Much Tax 277. Likelihood That More Intrusive Help Will Be Needed Later 288. More Emotional Upheaval 289. Fewer Options as Capacity Diminishes 2910. Are Some Situations More Urgent Than Others? 30vi Estate planning through family meetings4. Talking to Your Parents 331. Make the Subject Less Negative 332. Be Prepared for a Reaction 353. What Not to Say 364. Create a Safe Environment 375. The More You Talk, the Easier It Gets 386. Agree to Try Things 387. How to Bring up Incapacity 395. What to Say or Do to Get Your Parents Motivated and Moving 411. Celebrity Estates 412. Messy Estate of Someone You Know 433. Life Event Triggers 443.1 Sudden illness 443.2 Going into long-term care 443.3 Funeral of a family member or friend 453.4 Getting married (again) later in life 453.5 Losing mental faculties 463.6 Friend moves in with his or her adult children 464. Do Your Own Planning 474.1 Blame it on your lawyer 475. Travel 476. Help with Research 487. Reassurance 506. Acting without a Parent's Agreement 511. In the Parent's Best Interest 522. What to Do to Reduce Stress 533. Legal Authority 567. Why Hold a Family Meeting? 591. Ensure That Your Parent's Wishes are Known, Understood, and Respected 602. Document the Wishes Properly and Legally 603. Ease Anxieties 614. Find Tax-Advantageous Solutions 625. Preserve and Pass on Family Business or Farm 626. Maintain Family Harmony 638. How to Say What Needs to Be Said in a Family Meeting 651. Prepare Ahead 651.1 Make an agenda 661.2 Decide who is to lead the meeting 67Contents vii1.3 Invite the right people 691.4 Make sure everyone is clear on the date, time, and place 711.5 Prepare the room 722. Don't Wait until a Problem Arises 723. Admit Your Own Concerns and Fears 734. Don't Bring up Past Confl icts and Sore Spots Needlessly 745. Be a Good Listener 766. Take Notes 777. Agree to Investigate the Options 799. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: Discovering 81the Current Situation1. Set the Ground Rules for the Meeting 822. Understand the Current Situation 833. Who Is Already Involved? 844. Current Health Concerns 8410. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: 87Planning for the Future1. What Happens when One Parent Dies? 882. What Happens when Both Parents Have Died? 883. What Happens If One Parent Suffers Incapacity? 894. What Other Living Arrangements Might Have to Be Made? 905. How Will Long-Term Care Be Funded? 906. How Will Retirement Be Funded? 927. What Happens If a Child Predeceases a Parent? 928. Succession Planning for the Family Business or Farm 939. Family Trusts 9310. Who Will Be the Executor and/or Attorney? 9411. Which Advisors to Use 9412. Tax Implications 9413. Address the Problem Areas 9514. How Will Reporting or Follow-up Be Done? 9511. What Happens after the Meeting? 971. Review Meeting Notes 972. Review Tasks 983. Set up Appointments 994. Get Documents into Place 1005. Do Necessary Research or Get Documentation 1006. Put Some Solutions into Place 1017. Have a Follow-up Meeting or Report to the Group 101viii Estate planning through family meetings12. Possible Financial Solutions That Might Be Discussed 103at Your Family Meeting1. Assets in Joint Names 1042. Bare Trusts 1053. Wills 1064. Enduring Power of Attorney 1075. Inter Vivos Trusts 1086. Custodial Types of Accounts 1087. Court-Appointed Trustee 1088. Written Business Succession Plan 1099. Selling the Business 11010. Informal Trusteeship 11011. Benefi ciary Designation 11113. Possible Nonfi nancial Solutions That Might Be Discussed 113at Your Family Meeting1. Health-Care Directive 1142. Court-Appointed Guardian 1153. Downsizing the Home 1164. Move into Long-Term Care 1175. Renovations to Your Parent's Home 1196. Live-in Caregiver 1207. Arrange for Paid Services 1218. Move in with Children 1229. Family Care Contract 12410. Representation Agreement 126Conclusion 127Samples1. Agenda 682. Taking Meeting Notes 793. Identify the Right Solutions for Your Family 128Tables1. Living Arrangements for Aging Parents 91
